Gracious #flexibility by @zmajourney! #yoga 🌝 😍 🔥 ____________________________________
#girlsthattrain #nevergiveup #work #motivation #BEMOTIVATED #gymmotivation #fitgirls #fitspo #success #fitness #bestrong #fitnish #girlswholift #fitnessgirls #model #fitnessmotivationdaily #fitfluential
i just hate how i can have three whole weeks of good workouts and runs, and slowly build that confidence in my fitness, but then have one off day ruin it all. it’s just so unrealistic and irrational of me to think that a bad workout is the end all be all. it was still a workout. it was still money in the bank. i can’t expect to feel perfect everyday.
Ever wonder why victims of rape don’t go forward with pressing charges? Well I had always wondered this, until it happened to me. It was a hot and muggy August day. I woke up excited because I was getting my hair done, and for all you girls out there, you know how exciting this is. I also had my last workout of the summer at the gym I had been going to. I went to the hair salon and spent probably a good 2 hours there. I had been texting one of my close friends the whole time, who had just started her new job in the city. It was a Wednesday. She was going out after work for sips at the uptown beer garden, and I had made plans to go down to the city and meet her after I got my hair done. It was around 5 o’clock when my hair was finished, and my mom came to pick me up. I felt pretty and decided I definitely had to go out because I had just gotten my hair done. I asked my mom to drop me off at the 69th street terminal so that I could take the El right into the city to meet M. Of course my mom drops me off and says “Remember, text me when you get there, who you are with, when you are coming home, and how AND don’t drink too much!” I replied back just by saying yea ok mom I won’t forget! I get on the EL and head down to the city. It was around 6:30 when I got there—still light out. The uptown beer garden was packed, but it did not take me long to find M. M, her friend C and I started drinking, and we thought “hey let’s just start chugging our drinks, and ordering 3 at a time” And that is what we did. We were having ourselves a ball. Eventually we decided to go back to a hotel right across from city hall, where M’s work friends were staying. We started to drink again when we were there and around 9 o’clock we were deciding to go to a bar close by. This is where everything turns black. There’s a part of time where I just don’t remember up until I realized I was lost from my friends in the city by myself. I was texting and calling to find them, but just couldn’t make sense of anything, and neither could they, but I was determined to explore around the city until I found them. I am very familiar with the city and have been in this situation before so I didn’t really think anything of it.
I’m a very outgoing and talkative person if I do say so myself. Usually this isn’t a problem, but August 17, 2016, my friendliness got me into a bit of trouble. A man approached me, probably in his mid-40’s or 50’s. He was wearing a Phillies hat. A black man probably the same height as me. He had facial hair. We started talking and he was being very friendly so I just told him that I was looking for some friends. Then things started to get a bit weird. I will spare most of the details for you, but he eventually led me down an alley where he then forced his penis into my vagina. I was raped. Luckily I was eventually able to get away and by the Grace of God there was an uber 1 minute away that I was able to get in right away at the place where I ran to. My head was spinning. I was confused. I was in denial. I had no idea what to do.
I ended up ubering to my friend B’s house. I probably got there around midnight. I cried and cried and cried to her. She hugged me and just let me cry. Eventually, she drove me home where I went right to sleep, hoping I would wake up and it would all just be some crazy nightmare. I woke up the next morning, wearing exactly what I was wearing the day before. My mom was downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast, and I walked downstairs and just started bawling my eyes out, apologizing to my mom when I saw her. I told her what had happened and she just hugged me and cried with me. Eventually I calmed down and I told her that I didn’t want any police involvement and I didn’t want to go to the hospital. Long story short, we decided that was what I had to do. I spent half of August 18th in the hospital, and the other half, in the SVU department of Philadelphia speaking with detectives. Telling every little detail that I could remember of what had happened, close to 10 times. It was by far one of the hardest, most exhausting days of my life. Flash forward a month or so, I get another call from the detective. They had found someone matching the description I gave 6 times that night on camera. They needed me to come into the SVU again and look at a photo array. This is a lineup of 6 photos they showed me, in which I were to identify if any of them were the man who had assaulted me. I ended up identifying him, which made it possible for them to get a warrant for his arrest.
Now after this, I just waited and waited to hear from them. One day I decided to call and ask for an update on my case. The Detective said that she was actually just about to call me because they had to bring me in for more questioning. Probably the last thing I needed at that time. I went back in for more questioning and waited and waited. I ended up forgetting about all of it for a little. Besides the nightmares and flashbacks I was able to convince myself that I am ok. I had been wondering when I would get an update, and if they had even done anything. I really had no idea what was going on. Eventually in the beginning of February, 2017 I received a call saying that they had arrested the man. I felt an immediate sense of relief, but the more I thought about it, I realized this meant I had to face him in court. The day came where I received my witness subpoena in the mail. The court date was set for February 23, 2017, a day I will never forget. We got there at 10:30 and waited until my case was called around 2 to go into the courtroom. I saw many girls there for the same reason as I was. Everyone had tear filled eyes, but there was still a strong sense of bravery radiating off of every girl sharing their testimonies. Facing this man in the court room, and having to be re victimized was sickening. Testifying was the hardest and worst thing I ever had to do in my life by far. This is the reason why girls don’t end up pressing charges and testifying. It all comes down to he said she said. And that is exactly what happened. The judge discharged the case for burden of proof that I did not consent. I did all of this for nothing. Had to face this man again, had to feel him staring at me as I was up on the stand, had to be cross examined and almost forced to believe that it was my fault this happened, all for nothing. The criminal justice system had failed me.
How do I feel most days? I feel dirty, worthless, alone, confused, overwhelmed, damaged, unlovable, scared, stupid. Did I deserve this? I know that God didn’t make this happen to me, but why me? Why anyone? Why are people like this? Why are there bad people? Where is God? When will I forget? Will I forget? I know I am doing the right thing by reporting it but why is the right thing so hard to do?
These questions, plus hundreds more constantly cross my mind. Some days I wake up and have to call my mom to ask if something bad happened to me because it doesn’t seem real. Nightmares and flashbacks have become a part of my life. I smile and act goofy on the outside, but inside by body is quivering in fear and broken heartedness.
This attack is now a part of my life. I know that it is not who I am and I am not defined by this but I am a victim of rape. I have been trying to run from it and pretend like it never happened the past few months, numbing myself to life, but the reality is that it did happen. And I think that is what my recovery depends on. Realizing that it did happen, and facing it. This chapter must be in my story book for some reason, and one day I hope that God shines his light upon its purpose, or the road leading me to help others in similar situations in the future. I think that another important step I need to make towards my recovery, is facing Jesus and inviting him back into my life. When I am feeling the weight of evil, remembering that He promised us good. He will help me to fear no evil, and he will walk with me through this storm.
There is a Bible verse that I have been thinking of a lot recently, and that is “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I will be with you” (Isaiah 43:2). Just a reminder that no matter what struggle you are going through, whether it is something small, something large, or something in between, God is with us always. He will help us get through these deep waters. He will help us to be brave and do hard things every day of our lives. He promised us good, and he will make sure good is what we get. Easier said than done, and trust me, it has been extremely difficult for me, but all we have to do is open our hearts to him and ask.
I still question myself everyday wondering if I had said or done something differently would any of this have happened? Would my case have been discharged and all of the charges dropped? But in the end I have to remind myself that I did all that I could. I was as brave as I could have ever been, and I told the truth. At least I know the truth and I want the rest of the world to know the truth and how the criminal justice system has failed me, along with so many other girls.
i work at a gym largely frequented by older women, and today as one of them left after her workout she accidentally pulled the entire door handle off and just slowly looked at her bicep in horror as if she was terrified of her new strength. it was beautiful.
one day i aspire to become one of those people who wake up, meditate, drink water, do yoga, write down things that they’re grateful for, workout, make a healthy breakfast, take short cold showers, buy organic ethical clothing, wear vegan apparel to spread the message, use as little plastic as possible, grow their own plants, have a minimalistic apartment with no crap in it, buy organic food if possible, go on adventures, spread a positive message and overall live a suistanable, eco-friendly, positive lifestyle with as little stress as possible.
*does one push-up* *fergie voice* my body stay vicious i be up in the gym just working on my fitness he’s my witness
*does one push-up* *fergie voice* my body stay vicious i be up in the gym just working on my fitness he’s my witness
The race is just a glorified workout -
Remember that when it hurts two miles in. Remember that when you want to quit. Would you ever settle in a workout or tone it back? Never. Never in a million years would you dream of that. So why do it in races. When it hurts, you have to push a little more to tell yourself, I’m fine I’m still breathing, I can make it. You can’t settle. You have to tell yourself it’s all worth it, you can stop at the end. Workouts make you faster, well so do races. It’s just a glorified workout. Fast reps no rest, but you can’t quit. Just keep pushing. Push yourself to the limit where you keel over at the end. If that’s the workout goal well damn we need to make it a racing goal.
unbelievable-facts
Lee Miller became a top fashion model in the 1920s after nearly being killed by stepping into traffic. The founder of Vogue saved her life and made her a cover girl. She later learned photography and became the only female combat photographer in Europe during WWII, where she documented the liberation of Dachau and had herself photographed bathing in Hitler’s bathtub.
